For those who know me, you know how deeply I love the people in my life. It has been said that nothing can separate you from the love of God and Miss Pattie. SO if I love you, you got it forever. I also have heaps and heaps of love to share with those in my life (and yes I know it sometimes comes in many ways including a "butt kicking" or sarcasm and ginormous hugs). With Valentine's Day a few days away, I thought it would be a good time to describe God's kind of love that I've been living lately.
I know that I have a birth family out there and I know where they live (not to sound stalking or anything). Sometimes when I'm alone and quiet I run through my head different scenarios of how a reunion may take place, what I might say, act, behave, etc.. I also would click on certain fb pages to see what they were doing. Recently I discovered that this was not really healthy for me and would sometimes make me lose sleep and kind of just bring me to that dark place of questions and rejection.
I needed to do something new.
God directed me to change my behavior. When the ideas to "dream" and the urges to "click"would come I needed to do something else. I started to pray. To pray for them to know God's goodness, to pray for blessings, to pray for protection, to pray for health, to pray for them to sense God in their life, to know that God love's them.
As I started doing this, I felt peace and my love for them grew. As I did this, God started reveal something about Him to me. These women have never met me. Two of them don't even know that I exist.... (see where I'm going yet) I have a &^$%#$@ load of love to give to these women but they don't know I'm here.
God loves you, He wants to have a relationship with you. He wants good things in your life. He has so much love to give you. You may not know him.
God is showing me how He loves. And how to love more like Him.
Will this lead to reunion??? Who knows??? I don't need to know. I want so very much for them to find me, meet me, know me. That may never happen but that isn't changing the love that is in my heart for them. Just like our Father's love.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Friday, February 12, 2016
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
an adoptee defines family
This search has been full of ups and downs.
But isn't life like that?
This past year has had one of the most difficult parts, what's known as the second rejection. At times I really didn't feel like I would or could recover from it. With the help of prayer, dear friends and Jesus I did.
I've learned that it is better to get what you need instead of what you want.
After my mom passed and then my aunt, I felt very disconnected to things here. Yes I have a wonderful husband and amazing kids but the anchor holding me here seemed to disappear. Being adopted, I felt orphaned again. No heritage, lineage, ancestry. I believe that was the biggest motivator in my search, to find a place where I belonged. An origin. Before you get all spiritual on me, I know I'm a daughter of the most High God, created in His image, with a hope and a future. But I had no roots. A dear friend, who passed away a few weeks ago, enlightened me to the fact that my grief of losing my mom was driving me forward in this search and helped me realize what my grief had been doing.
My dad had passed away when I was 14 and have had little if any interaction with his family after his funeral. A little while back I used social media to reconnect with some second cousins as we reminisced about a family vacation spot that we had all shared, a place that was held dear in our heart and only we would understand. A few months later my brother and I received an e-mail from my dad's last living cousin, inviting us to a family reunion. I have to say we were a bit apprehensive about going since it had been 4 decades since we had anything to do with them.
So the weekend came, it started out very very difficult, you see it started out burying this dear friend who had encouraged me and helped to lift me out of the hurt place of the second rejection. Tears in my eyes, my husband and I got in the car and began the 4 hour drive to Connecticut, on the way we shared a pizza and tears with my college roommate. God knows who I need and when. We arrived at the reunion, I met my brother at the door of the Inn and walked in.... walked in to open arms and hearts. This weekend I met my family. period. my family. These people accepted me as one of their own, no strings. My brother and I had to remind them that we were adopted a few times when they mentioned family traits and resemblances. Their reaction... "every family has a story" "we're still family". You see as a child there were members of this family who reminded us ALL the time that we were not blood relatives. Those people are deceased and buried with them seems to be that attitude... Thank you Jesus. This weekend (and in the weeks since) I was told of my heritage, my ancestry, where my father came from. We shared stories, we compared "notes", we talked politics and religion (with out fighting), we reminisced about those who are gone and places we shared, I confessed that I was a Mets fan. We built relationships and bonds.
We were a family in EVERY sense of the word.
God gave me a family.... one that wanted me.... wanted to meet me and continue a relationship with me. I got grounded again. Healed. anchored I became a part of a big picture. He gave me a family I needed.
Now for those who think I still don't want to meet my birth family. You're wrong, I do.... but I can meet them now with a healed heart. Does this mean that God will open that door for me.. I don't know? And shhhhh don't tell anyone but part of my birth family lives in a village near the reunion and we did drive by their houses and I did see a member of that family in flesh and blood... yeah I did that.
SO I move forward. Waiting for what God has in store for me. I look forward to the next reunion. I look forward to chats on social media. I look forward to restored relationships... families are still broken. I look forward to my kids meeting my family...... all of them.
Psalm 27:10-14 (NLT)
But isn't life like that?
This past year has had one of the most difficult parts, what's known as the second rejection. At times I really didn't feel like I would or could recover from it. With the help of prayer, dear friends and Jesus I did.
I've learned that it is better to get what you need instead of what you want.
After my mom passed and then my aunt, I felt very disconnected to things here. Yes I have a wonderful husband and amazing kids but the anchor holding me here seemed to disappear. Being adopted, I felt orphaned again. No heritage, lineage, ancestry. I believe that was the biggest motivator in my search, to find a place where I belonged. An origin. Before you get all spiritual on me, I know I'm a daughter of the most High God, created in His image, with a hope and a future. But I had no roots. A dear friend, who passed away a few weeks ago, enlightened me to the fact that my grief of losing my mom was driving me forward in this search and helped me realize what my grief had been doing.
My dad had passed away when I was 14 and have had little if any interaction with his family after his funeral. A little while back I used social media to reconnect with some second cousins as we reminisced about a family vacation spot that we had all shared, a place that was held dear in our heart and only we would understand. A few months later my brother and I received an e-mail from my dad's last living cousin, inviting us to a family reunion. I have to say we were a bit apprehensive about going since it had been 4 decades since we had anything to do with them.
So the weekend came, it started out very very difficult, you see it started out burying this dear friend who had encouraged me and helped to lift me out of the hurt place of the second rejection. Tears in my eyes, my husband and I got in the car and began the 4 hour drive to Connecticut, on the way we shared a pizza and tears with my college roommate. God knows who I need and when. We arrived at the reunion, I met my brother at the door of the Inn and walked in.... walked in to open arms and hearts. This weekend I met my family. period. my family. These people accepted me as one of their own, no strings. My brother and I had to remind them that we were adopted a few times when they mentioned family traits and resemblances. Their reaction... "every family has a story" "we're still family". You see as a child there were members of this family who reminded us ALL the time that we were not blood relatives. Those people are deceased and buried with them seems to be that attitude... Thank you Jesus. This weekend (and in the weeks since) I was told of my heritage, my ancestry, where my father came from. We shared stories, we compared "notes", we talked politics and religion (with out fighting), we reminisced about those who are gone and places we shared, I confessed that I was a Mets fan. We built relationships and bonds.
We were a family in EVERY sense of the word.
God gave me a family.... one that wanted me.... wanted to meet me and continue a relationship with me. I got grounded again. Healed. anchored I became a part of a big picture. He gave me a family I needed.
Now for those who think I still don't want to meet my birth family. You're wrong, I do.... but I can meet them now with a healed heart. Does this mean that God will open that door for me.. I don't know? And shhhhh don't tell anyone but part of my birth family lives in a village near the reunion and we did drive by their houses and I did see a member of that family in flesh and blood... yeah I did that.
SO I move forward. Waiting for what God has in store for me. I look forward to the next reunion. I look forward to chats on social media. I look forward to restored relationships... families are still broken. I look forward to my kids meeting my family...... all of them.
Psalm 27:10-14 (NLT)
Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close.
Teach me how to live, O LORD . Lead me along the right path, for my enemies are waiting for me.
Do not let me fall into their hands. For they accuse me of things I’ve never done; with every breath they threaten me with violence.
Yet I am confident I will see the LORD ’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living.
Wait patiently for the LORD . Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD .
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