When I had my children, it had stirred up questions. I would look at them and wonder who else they looked like. My husband comes from a large family and we can see each other in our children. Sure my kids look like their parents... but what about grandparents? Where did they get some of their traits from?
At this point I came to a realization.... who I was and what traits I wanted my kids to have... I was adopted... I was then made "fatherless"..., my adopted family was very disjointed, but, this was not who I am. I AM the daughter of the Most High God, the King of the universe, the Creator of all things, and beautifully and wonderfully made and created in His image... WOW!
Why did I need to know this? Well if you were adopted also, you may understand... or if you've experienced a relative who says you're not "blood"or in insensitive "friend" who says that they have always considered an adoptee as something no one ever wanted - yesterday's trash. Realizing that I had a blood connection with the Savior who shed His blood for my sins, I have a "blood" brother. Realizing that I was wanted by the King of the universe so much that He gave the Prince of Peace, His Son, to save me from my sins, reminded me that I was wanted and very loved and really would God give His Son's life for a piece of yesterday's trash?.. I think not !!!
SO what traits did I want to see in my children?
You guessed it, I want them to look just like their Brother! It has been important for me to live life to honor God... sure I have failed over and over again... but it has been my goal. My husband and I have prayed for and lived for the day that our children honor God in their lives. As we have watched them grow... we have seen them fail (as we have) but we are seeing my Brother in their lives. At 19 and 21, they do things that surprise us and allow us to see God in them.
I'm excited to watch them grow into the man and woman of God He created them to be! I see the traits of their Lord and Savior in them!
.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
the early "search"
Now that she's older Patricia will not be speaking in the third person.
Growing up I always wondered about who had brought me into this world. I was very thankful that in the early 60's Roe v Wade was not the law of the land and that couples who could not give birth had the option of adoption. My birth mother chose life and made my family very happy for doing so. The one thing I want to say to my birth mother is thank you for making that decision, life.
When I turned 18, I figured that I could start my search, but life has a funny way of getting in the way. My mom gave me all my "paper work" - the correspondences between social workers, lawyers and case workers. As I said in my past blog, I always knew that I was adopted and was made to feel that this was a special thing and that I was very much loved. I discovered a reference to Patricia Robinson in a RE: on one of the documents and believe that to be my birth name. In similar documents of my brother's, that place is blacked out - which seemed to confirm Robinson as my birth name.
So in the pre-internet day, how does one search? (especially when only 18+ and no money or idea of where to start).While I was in High School, every June 22 and every Halloween I would search the classified in Newsday, never thinking that my birth family may not live on Long Island. I would watch reunion shows on tv and write down registries but never registered. So really, I was hoping they would find me. Maybe it was a little fear of rejection or fear of what I may find out... but still I was curious and wanted to know who I was.
Growing up I always wondered about who had brought me into this world. I was very thankful that in the early 60's Roe v Wade was not the law of the land and that couples who could not give birth had the option of adoption. My birth mother chose life and made my family very happy for doing so. The one thing I want to say to my birth mother is thank you for making that decision, life.
When I turned 18, I figured that I could start my search, but life has a funny way of getting in the way. My mom gave me all my "paper work" - the correspondences between social workers, lawyers and case workers. As I said in my past blog, I always knew that I was adopted and was made to feel that this was a special thing and that I was very much loved. I discovered a reference to Patricia Robinson in a RE: on one of the documents and believe that to be my birth name. In similar documents of my brother's, that place is blacked out - which seemed to confirm Robinson as my birth name.
So in the pre-internet day, how does one search? (especially when only 18+ and no money or idea of where to start).While I was in High School, every June 22 and every Halloween I would search the classified in Newsday, never thinking that my birth family may not live on Long Island. I would watch reunion shows on tv and write down registries but never registered. So really, I was hoping they would find me. Maybe it was a little fear of rejection or fear of what I may find out... but still I was curious and wanted to know who I was.
Monday, August 30, 2010
the beginning
A long time ago, in a mystical island called Long, a baby girl was born. She was small and cute and needed a home. For reasons that we are presently not sure of, her mom and dad could not raise her. There was a family in the small town that wanted a little girl of their own so they went to a lawyer and began to look for a little girl. This family had a 4 year old boy and a lot of room in their hearts.
One day the family was notified and told that there was the perfect little girl for them. The grandmother had just died and the mom and dad believed that the grandmother had sent an angel to their home. One Halloween the mom, dad and brother went to pick up this little baby and bring her home. The brother chose not to trick or treat that night, but instead ran up and down the street telling all that he got a new baby sister. The dad took one look at the baby and named her Patricia, the social worker giggled and said that that was already her name, and that she must really be a Patricia.
Patricia grew and was loved. She was often told that she was loved and chosen. Many times her parents read a book called The Chosen Baby, a book that mirrored this family's own experience. Patricia never felt unwanted, unloved, or not apart of the family. However she often wondered who her birth parents were and why they had to give her up.
This family was not complete and 2 years later brought a little rambunctious, curly haired boy into the family. A happy little family!? Well, they were, but with troubles and heartache. The new boy struggled in many areas and hard decisions had to be made. (but that's his story not Patricia's) and the family was separated and somewhat disconnected.
While the children were still young the mom and dad found out that dad had cancer. The dad fought it for many years and didn't want to leave his family, but when Patricia was 14 he passed away, leaving a hole in her heart.
At the same time, Patricia had learned about the love of Jesus and He became her Savior. The pain she felt was great with the loss of her dad and she did not know how to lean on Jesus, so she struggled for many years with drinking and eating. But she began to pray for her birth family and to ask Jesus to meet them.
After a long struggle, Patricia learned about the Lordship of Jesus, and gave over her drinking problem and committed herself to serve and live for Jesus.
But there was still something missing. Who was she? What was her background? and of course.... Why?
This Patricia (me) would like to know.
One day the family was notified and told that there was the perfect little girl for them. The grandmother had just died and the mom and dad believed that the grandmother had sent an angel to their home. One Halloween the mom, dad and brother went to pick up this little baby and bring her home. The brother chose not to trick or treat that night, but instead ran up and down the street telling all that he got a new baby sister. The dad took one look at the baby and named her Patricia, the social worker giggled and said that that was already her name, and that she must really be a Patricia.
Patricia grew and was loved. She was often told that she was loved and chosen. Many times her parents read a book called The Chosen Baby, a book that mirrored this family's own experience. Patricia never felt unwanted, unloved, or not apart of the family. However she often wondered who her birth parents were and why they had to give her up.
This family was not complete and 2 years later brought a little rambunctious, curly haired boy into the family. A happy little family!? Well, they were, but with troubles and heartache. The new boy struggled in many areas and hard decisions had to be made. (but that's his story not Patricia's) and the family was separated and somewhat disconnected.
While the children were still young the mom and dad found out that dad had cancer. The dad fought it for many years and didn't want to leave his family, but when Patricia was 14 he passed away, leaving a hole in her heart.
At the same time, Patricia had learned about the love of Jesus and He became her Savior. The pain she felt was great with the loss of her dad and she did not know how to lean on Jesus, so she struggled for many years with drinking and eating. But she began to pray for her birth family and to ask Jesus to meet them.
After a long struggle, Patricia learned about the Lordship of Jesus, and gave over her drinking problem and committed herself to serve and live for Jesus.
But there was still something missing. Who was she? What was her background? and of course.... Why?
This Patricia (me) would like to know.
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