Just a story I'm told needs to be told

In the past week, I had the opportunity to share this story to two different women at work. These women came to me with  a similar situation, wanting to replace jewelry given to them by a deceased parent. I shared with them this story of hope, encouragement and God's perfect timing. Both women left encouraged and crying. I hope it may encourage one of you....be patient, adoption ties it to the story :)

Here goes:

It was about this time 5 years ago. My mom had pasted away on Valentine's Day and it was a day before Halloween. Halloween was and is a special time of year for me. You see, I was adopted on Halloween and this event was always remembered and "celebrated" by my mom (and dad when he was alive and able to). This would be the first Halloween without a card or a cake or a call. I was feeling extremely alone and grief stricken.
I mentioned earlier that when my dad was alive he too celebrated in some form the day I was brought home. My dad had become sick and had cancer when I was a young teen. When I was 13, like any good Lutheran, I was confirmed of Palm Sunday. As a gift my dad had given me a gold cross with a small diamond in it. I wore it often and cherished it as my last gift from him before his death 4 months later. My life continued, got married, had kids and lost the cross in the mid 90's. I had ideas of where it may have been lost, or stuck but when we removed a wall fixture in our dining room I had given up hope. So after my mom died I started to look to replace this precious token of my father's love for me.
So it's right before Halloween 2011 and I'm just plain hurting and feeling a bit pitiful. I went into the bathroom and something caught my attention in the cabinet drawer, there was a glisten, and bit of shiny causing me to investigate.
THERE IT WAS!!!!! The cross that I had lost some 15 years earlier, in a drawer I had cleaned out more than a few times. In this drawer was a message for above that I was loved, that I was remembered, that my parents cherished me more than I did that piece of jewelry and that Our Heavenly Father Loved me and celebrated my life.

So if you're missing some special lost item, if you're feeling alone, if you have lost hope.... know that God knows this and knows how and when you will need to hear from heaven the message of being found, being loved and having hope.   Look up, He knows your every need.

Why I think Guatemala is so deep in my heart

Once again I am preparing to go on a mission trip to beautiful Guatemala. I was pondering what draws me to this country.

I came to a realization. While I'm there I get to spend time with many people like me. On our trips we spend time and minister in places who care for displaced children... I don't want to say orphaned because not all of them are, they may have parents, but they are not fit or able to care for them. But yes many are orphaned too. When I tell these kids that I'm adopted we have instant bonds. You see we get it, we know what it's like not being sure of our origins or not able to get back to them.

Guatemala has a broken adoption system, the United States system is broken too, but in different ways... both systems, I believe, have broken do to greed of people and have forgotten that it should be about building strong families where children can be raised in a healthy and safe environment. So in Guatemala there are children's homes to care for these children. We spend a good bit of time in 2 such homes, building relationships with these kids.

I enjoy taking to the older kids where we can have conversations about being adopted and what that's like... Most of the time they have not met adults who are adopted, especially ones from the States. It's interesting for both of us.

One of the last times I was there I thought about all the people that come in and out of the lives of these kids, missionaries (like me) who come down for a week or two and then leave. I wonder sometimes if that builds the abandonment issues adoptees have. SO why do I keep going back? Because I have built relationships with some of these kids (especially some of the older teens) I have connected with them on facebook, and check up on them via fb on years I don't go.


God's Word says that "God will never leave you or forsake you". It's a hard concept for some of us adoptees to grasp, since we deal with that issue concerning our birth families. I try to be someone who comes back, who loves them and who will try to let them know that they are loved, wanted and worth being loved and cared about.

If you want to know more about all we do on these trips.. message me.

If you would like to be apart of one of these trips... message me

While I get ready for this trip.... pray for me...

I know this is different than most of my blogs... but my heart is the shape of Guatemala and it's people fill it. I leave June 24th and return July 9th.

Long Lost Family

Every hear of this show???

Probably not except...

If you have been affected by adoption, you have and you have cried your way through every episode and probably watched them more than once.

Yes the show contacted me back in June. At that point I had already experienced the second rejection.  I had found and "been found" and she was not ready to meet me. I didn't respond to the e-mail.

I'm thinking of contacting them. You see our searches are all different. In an hour you can see 2 families affected by adoption happily and tearfully reunited.

As those of you who have been following my story know...... that doesn't always happen. Not all journeys end in reunion. I've watched all these shows over the years like the money hungry Troy the locator, and Lost and Found and countless others.  The general public wants to see happy endings, I get that.

But I'm here to say that you can still be happy when the apparent ending isn't a joyful reunion. Those of you who are reading this need to know that you can be "happy" in life even if you never find your missing person. You see... I'm happy, yes those who know me know that I just have that innate effervescence, and I was truly devastated by the shut door, but my life is a fantastic one. I've had loss and sadness and have suffered....but I've had joy, happiness, peace, love, goodness, mercy and grace.

So I plan on writing back the show. The 2 hosts are both adoptees in a happy reunion... but they need to just be reminded to tell a story of those of us who are happy without a reunion. To give hope of a happy life even if they don't.

(by the way I'm going to be a grandma this year.... I will be blogging about how that feels next time... the concept of more people who are a part of me is mind blowing)

Happy Valentine's Day

For those who know me, you know how deeply I love the people in my life. It has been said that nothing can separate you from the love of God and Miss Pattie. SO if I love you, you got it forever. I also have heaps and heaps of love to share with those in my life (and yes I know it sometimes comes in many ways including a "butt kicking" or sarcasm and ginormous hugs). With Valentine's Day a few days away, I thought it would be a good time to describe God's kind of love that I've been living lately.

I know that I have a birth family out there and I know where they live  (not to sound stalking or anything). Sometimes when I'm alone and quiet I run through my head different scenarios of how a reunion may take place, what I might say, act, behave, etc..  I also would click on certain fb pages to see what they were doing. Recently I discovered that this was not really healthy for me and would sometimes make me lose sleep and kind of just bring me to that dark place of questions and rejection.
I needed to do something new.

God directed me to change my behavior. When the ideas to "dream" and the urges to "click"would come I needed to do something else. I started to pray. To pray for them to know God's goodness, to pray for blessings, to pray for protection, to pray for health, to pray for them to sense God in their life, to know that God love's them.

As I started doing this, I felt peace and my love for them grew. As I did this, God started reveal something about Him to me. These women have never met me. Two of them don't even know that I exist.... (see where I'm going yet) I have a &^$%#$@ load of love to give to these women but they don't know I'm here.

God loves you, He wants to have a relationship with you. He wants good things in your life. He has so much love to give you. You may not know him.

God is showing me how He loves. And how to love more like Him.

Will this lead to reunion??? Who knows??? I don't need to know. I want so very much for them to find me, meet me, know me. That may never happen but that isn't changing the love that is in my heart for them. Just like our Father's love.

Happy Valentine's Day.