I was chatting with a new searcher the other day and going over where to get information for her search and then started to share with her things that could happen and what she might expect. I thought to myself... hey self... I've seen a ton of the how to and where to go but not a lot of what can happen along the way... why don't you post some direction and insight... so here goes!!
1. Remember that you are not alone...
2. You will feel alone.
3. Things can happen quickly
4. Things can take forever
5. Friends can be very supportive
6. Friends can be very discouraging
7. This journey can be ALL consuming
8. You have a life to be lived today in the present.
9. You may have a wonderful reunion
10. You may never find the one you are looking for.... and it has to be okay
11. The end may not be the end.... just a pause for God to do something else
12. We (adoptees) have rights that have been denied to us... the right to know our origins...you can fight for this right but not everyone has to be an advocate.... some of us just support the cause.
13. The adoption process is and has been corrupt. This won't change over night... you do not have to live as a victim of this broken system. There are MANY children who's lives have been saved through adoption... There ARE good adoption stories... Happy families... Loving homes.
14. EVERY family is different adopted and natural (hate that term)
15. Only God will open doors and close them too.
16. God's plan in perfect... humans can mess it up.
17. We all look for familiar faces - natural families don't always look alike
18. To be respected you should be respectful. Honor your parents. (both sets) God has a promise that goes with that one.
19. In your search you may find friends in high places... protect them so others will still have have resource
20.Thank those who help you - many have already been through the pain of their search and may still need encouragement once in a while
21. Help those in their journey- guide, encourage, listen, listen, listen, advise but be careful.. your journey might be different
22. Cry with those who cry, rejoice with those who rejoice.
23. Don't get bitter at those who have happy endings when yours isn't working out well.
24. When you are rejoicing.. be mindful of those who can't yet.
That's all I have right now.... comment below if you think I've missed something... I probably have.
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Monday, July 20, 2015
Broken expectations
The other day I was reading my devotions and skimmed some words and together came up with Broken Expectations. I stopped and pondered those words... broken expectations.
Have you even had expectations that broke... that you'd dream would go a certain way and for no reason that makes sense ... didn't go the way you'd expect them to? They broke... Recently I've had a number of broken expectations.. not just in my journey but in many areas...
I expected to have found a house, a calling, a direction etc. by now. I've been asking God and seeking for over 5 years to see where He wants us. I know presently to "bloom where I'm planted" but there are gifts and passions inside of me that are laying dormant and unused. I excepted by now I would be using them... but instead I wait...
I think however that I had to be broken, or to have my expectations broken, to get to where I am now. Ready to give up so much to go further. The things that hurt so much recently have dimmed. I've found healing in brokeness... I haven't given up on some dreams... just learned that "no" isn't a bad thing just the best thing. I've learned to cling to my Savior more. To seek Him each day.
I'm going to do a few commercials or plugs right now. There have been two things that have used that have helped me deal with these broken expectations. The first thing is that every morning I have read the from the devotional Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. There have been days that God spoke directly to where I was, in the miry pit, and knowing that He knew where I was and found me there gave me enough to get through that moment.... I say moment because there where times that the next moment was all I could take. The other commercial is for the book Worthy to be Found by Deanna Doss Shrodes. This woman of God, fellow adoptee, put into words some of my emotions. I saw that I was not alone or the only one to have struggles in the search. If you are an adoptee struggling in reunion.. I highly recommend this book. You can find it on amazon- http://www.amazon.com/Worthy-Found-Unforgettable-Resilience-Restoration/dp/0985616865
So if you're struggling with broken expectations... know that you are not alone. You can get through it. If you seek, pray, and be honest with your feelings, He will send His comforter ... in the form that if fit just for you. In a book, devotional, person or even a facebook post. And sometimes you just have to open your eyes and look past the broken expectation to see His Hand caring for you.
Have you even had expectations that broke... that you'd dream would go a certain way and for no reason that makes sense ... didn't go the way you'd expect them to? They broke... Recently I've had a number of broken expectations.. not just in my journey but in many areas...
I expected to have found a house, a calling, a direction etc. by now. I've been asking God and seeking for over 5 years to see where He wants us. I know presently to "bloom where I'm planted" but there are gifts and passions inside of me that are laying dormant and unused. I excepted by now I would be using them... but instead I wait...
I think however that I had to be broken, or to have my expectations broken, to get to where I am now. Ready to give up so much to go further. The things that hurt so much recently have dimmed. I've found healing in brokeness... I haven't given up on some dreams... just learned that "no" isn't a bad thing just the best thing. I've learned to cling to my Savior more. To seek Him each day.
I'm going to do a few commercials or plugs right now. There have been two things that have used that have helped me deal with these broken expectations. The first thing is that every morning I have read the from the devotional Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. There have been days that God spoke directly to where I was, in the miry pit, and knowing that He knew where I was and found me there gave me enough to get through that moment.... I say moment because there where times that the next moment was all I could take. The other commercial is for the book Worthy to be Found by Deanna Doss Shrodes. This woman of God, fellow adoptee, put into words some of my emotions. I saw that I was not alone or the only one to have struggles in the search. If you are an adoptee struggling in reunion.. I highly recommend this book. You can find it on amazon- http://www.amazon.com/Worthy-Found-Unforgettable-Resilience-Restoration/dp/0985616865
So if you're struggling with broken expectations... know that you are not alone. You can get through it. If you seek, pray, and be honest with your feelings, He will send His comforter ... in the form that if fit just for you. In a book, devotional, person or even a facebook post. And sometimes you just have to open your eyes and look past the broken expectation to see His Hand caring for you.
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