Well I received a letter from the agency that handled my adoption and in stead of summarizing it I will just re type it.. I would really like your input and some of the wording and hear some of your conclusions.
Dear Ms. Kettles
I am in receipt of you letter requesting information. NY state laws allows us to release only non-identifying information.
YOUR BIRTH
You were born 6/22/1963 after a 36 week pregnancy.You weighed 5 pounds, 11 ounces. You were described as an adorable little girl with blue eyes, dark blond hair, very fair complexion, dimpled arms and regular features. You were also said to be eating and sleeping well, to have played with with your hands and figures, and to enjoy watching leaves as they moved in the breeze. You also enjoyed watching children at play, and seemed to recognize members of your foster family. You were a happy, contented baby and especially enjoyed your bath.
YOUR BIRTH MOTHER
When your mother gave birth when she was 18 years old, 5'2 and a half inches tall, weighed 108. She was Scotch, Irish, and English descent. She was Protestant with a fair complexion. Your mother attended high school for 2 years, then went to school for, and worked as, a beautician. She was a quiet, reserved young lady who was in good health.
YOUR BIRTH GRANDMOTHER
At the time of your birth, your grandmother was 39 years old, 5'1" tall, weighing 110 pounds with a medium build, She had hazel eyes, blond hair, and a fair complexion. She is of Scotch and English descent. She was a high school graduate, now living as a housewife, but had also worked as a beautician. Your grandmother was also an adopted child. Your grandmother spoke of your mother as being her good little girl who never gave her a moments worry. Your grandmother's way of speaking to your mother was that of an an adult speaking to a child, and felt that your adoption was the best plan. Your mother went along with whatever your grandmother said.
YOUR BIRTH GRANDFATHER
Your grandfather was 48 years old, 5'9" tall with a medium build, black hair, hazel eyes, and a fair complexion. He is of Irish and English descent. He graduated from college and owned a gas station.
YOUR BIRTH FATHER
Your father was 29 years old, about 5'10" tall with a medium build, brown hair and blue eyes with a fair complexion. He was of Scotch descent. He came from Canada looking for a job and living quarters when he met and befriended your family.. He ended up working for your grandfather and living in your household.
I can contact the case working if I have any questions
What do you all think?
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
News From Albany ( really it took 6 months for this??)
Well it has been about 6 months and like they said I would hear form the NYS Dept of Health - Adoption Registry. Here is ALL the info I received: ( I will note the inconsistencies form the "Clarke" phone call)
Mother's age 18 (call - 16)
Father - not reported
Nationality - Canada
Ethnic Background - Canadian -is that a nationality? (Irish/ German)
Race - Caucasian
I was surrendered willingly by my mother
Nothing else was reported, but I may also receive info from the agency that handled my adoption.
So it took 6 months to get all that. It does make it official that the Clarke call was some kind of hoax. Makes you wonder about people.
Someday I may know the truth. Can't afford a private investigator right now. There is still a hole in my heart that I never realized was there until this happened. I don't know why this happened or what God will do with this. I'm strong and love my family very much. This didn't change that. Keep my search in your prayers, and if I ever get more info I'll let you all know.
Thanks for taking the time to follow my story. I'd love to share it with who ever wants to hear it... with all the lessons I've learned in this.
God bless you all
Mother's age 18 (call - 16)
Father - not reported
Nationality - Canada
Ethnic Background - Canadian -is that a nationality? (Irish/ German)
Race - Caucasian
I was surrendered willingly by my mother
Nothing else was reported, but I may also receive info from the agency that handled my adoption.
So it took 6 months to get all that. It does make it official that the Clarke call was some kind of hoax. Makes you wonder about people.
Someday I may know the truth. Can't afford a private investigator right now. There is still a hole in my heart that I never realized was there until this happened. I don't know why this happened or what God will do with this. I'm strong and love my family very much. This didn't change that. Keep my search in your prayers, and if I ever get more info I'll let you all know.
Thanks for taking the time to follow my story. I'd love to share it with who ever wants to hear it... with all the lessons I've learned in this.
God bless you all
Monday, October 25, 2010
47 years ago
Well it's that time of year. Halloween. The time of year I think back and am VERY grateful for the family that adopted me. It's been a difficult struggle these past few months, opening places inside of me that I didn't know existed. Am I a better person? Have I grown? Does it still hurt? YES
But none of this negates the fact that I grew up in a loving home. Sure we were (are) as dis-functional as the rest of you. People still struggle to figure out our family dynamics. As a family we are close, yet we don't "have" to see each other all the time, or for that matter we go months without a call or visit. But my brothers are great and I love to pieces my mom.
We have struggled through the illness and ultimate death of my dad 30 yrs ago. We had battle with substance abuse in different ways. Struggles with a behavior problem and a subsequent "placement" for the welfare of my brother and my parents. Broken marriages and more death. And now the struggle with an ailing mother with memory issues (which are not Alzheimer or dementia, a mystery cause which can not me treated). But as this "family" we move through it and survive.
So It's Halloween, the anniversary of my adoption. I'll call mom and tell her thanks. I'll probably work that day, and I'll say a prayer to God thanking him for both my moms. The one who raised me and the one who chose to give me life and give me a life.
I'll also pray that some day soon I'll know the truth of the events some 47 yrs ago. Who my family was? and why? But I have realized that who they were does not make me who I am today. and with or without the information, I am still Patricia Ann Kettles Newman! I have a great life (still filled with struggles) and a great family.
Have you taken time lately to be thankful for your family, even if it was a dis-functional one. Have you taken time to look at the events of your life and seen the work that was done to make you , you? Have you smiled today?
There are no new developments in my story... and guess what there may never be.... is that okay? Well it has to be. It's COMPLETELY out of my control. So this week I thank God and I live.
But none of this negates the fact that I grew up in a loving home. Sure we were (are) as dis-functional as the rest of you. People still struggle to figure out our family dynamics. As a family we are close, yet we don't "have" to see each other all the time, or for that matter we go months without a call or visit. But my brothers are great and I love to pieces my mom.
We have struggled through the illness and ultimate death of my dad 30 yrs ago. We had battle with substance abuse in different ways. Struggles with a behavior problem and a subsequent "placement" for the welfare of my brother and my parents. Broken marriages and more death. And now the struggle with an ailing mother with memory issues (which are not Alzheimer or dementia, a mystery cause which can not me treated). But as this "family" we move through it and survive.
So It's Halloween, the anniversary of my adoption. I'll call mom and tell her thanks. I'll probably work that day, and I'll say a prayer to God thanking him for both my moms. The one who raised me and the one who chose to give me life and give me a life.
I'll also pray that some day soon I'll know the truth of the events some 47 yrs ago. Who my family was? and why? But I have realized that who they were does not make me who I am today. and with or without the information, I am still Patricia Ann Kettles Newman! I have a great life (still filled with struggles) and a great family.
Have you taken time lately to be thankful for your family, even if it was a dis-functional one. Have you taken time to look at the events of your life and seen the work that was done to make you , you? Have you smiled today?
There are no new developments in my story... and guess what there may never be.... is that okay? Well it has to be. It's COMPLETELY out of my control. So this week I thank God and I live.
Monday, September 6, 2010
no news is........no news
As I've been writing this many people have asked if this is for real. Yes it is, we believe presently that the information I received and the phone call were both fake. I've had one search angel do a quick run of all the information given me and with in 2 hrs replied that my suspicions were well founded.
So this is what this looks like. Everyday I go to the post office waiting to hear from Albany, Everyday i look thought my e-mail hoping to hear back from my "friend:". Everyday I look at my e-mail hoping to hear from a search angel or the producers of the search television program. Every other day I go back on the registries and see if there are any updates or matches. This may sound obsessive.. but all this only takes a few minutes and I move on.
In His time and in His way, things will turn out. I ask you to pray for me, my families and for the person who created this mess/journey (the "friend"). That His good would come out of this and that I would have peace in this.
I trust in the fact that God is in control and that in His time and purpose I may or may not find the truth. That what really matters is that He knows what is best for me and if I never find out ... it's for the best.
Do I image a reunion some day.. sure.. but I also image the reunion I will have with my Heavenly Father one day and how much greater that will be. I have a great family who support me and encourage me in all my disappointments (and there have been many this year).
God has some purpose for all his, I may never knew why this happened but I will survive this and be a petter person having grown through this...
I would love to hear if any of this has spoken to you. I would love to hear your thoughts and comments. so let me know.
So this is what this looks like. Everyday I go to the post office waiting to hear from Albany, Everyday i look thought my e-mail hoping to hear back from my "friend:". Everyday I look at my e-mail hoping to hear from a search angel or the producers of the search television program. Every other day I go back on the registries and see if there are any updates or matches. This may sound obsessive.. but all this only takes a few minutes and I move on.
In His time and in His way, things will turn out. I ask you to pray for me, my families and for the person who created this mess/journey (the "friend"). That His good would come out of this and that I would have peace in this.
I trust in the fact that God is in control and that in His time and purpose I may or may not find the truth. That what really matters is that He knows what is best for me and if I never find out ... it's for the best.
Do I image a reunion some day.. sure.. but I also image the reunion I will have with my Heavenly Father one day and how much greater that will be. I have a great family who support me and encourage me in all my disappointments (and there have been many this year).
God has some purpose for all his, I may never knew why this happened but I will survive this and be a petter person having grown through this...
I would love to hear if any of this has spoken to you. I would love to hear your thoughts and comments. so let me know.
Friday, September 3, 2010
the truth should set you free
Well, of course I have to keep on looking, but I'm beginning to believe that the information I was given was all wrong. I stared to look at the people I was told were my family and some things seemed funny. Having the same name as my mom... ok I get that.. but her being a church secretary ....hmm so am I (it says so on my facebook page. My brother being a high school teacher at a Christian school..... so was I ...(says so on my facebook page). My brother being the youth leader at his church..... so am I (says so on my facebook page). A brother named Daniel with red hair.. I have a son named Dan with red hair.... (yup it's on my facebook page). I was a psych major in college and I've always wondered about the nature / nurture debate, but this seemed almost ridiculous.
I need to know the truth.
Looking for the friend who connected us revealed some interesting things (you don't need to know). but made me more suspicious of that night. This was beginning to look like some cruel "prank". I now wonder if I had done something to her in my younger years (I've known her for a good part of my life). If this was my family why haven't they tried to contact me again. Where else should I look?
I was born in New York so I set my sights to Albany. I was ready to hop into the car and drive there and demand my records... yeah I didn't. I (of course) went on line (http://www.health.state.ny.us/vital_records/adoption.htm ) and found the dept of records site and printed out the form. I filled it out and notarized it and sent it to Albany. I now am waiting for "non identifying information". Lilly had said that they had requested my information in Albany but since it's the adoptee that has the rights, they had to wait for me to request my records. If the Clarkes are my family... I should have information by Christmas. Really that long? Well apparently it take 6+ months for a person to walk to the file room and pull out the file on the girl born in Hempstead NY on June 22 1963... really!! Oh patience is such a fun thing.
Is there more I could do???? heck yeah! I contacted a tv program that reunites people. I contacted them twice, the first time when I was just looking for the Clarkes and again just 2 days ago with all my suspicions. I am waiting to hear back. I've also registered with the official adoption reunion organization Soundex, including their facebook page.
I also discovered a thing called search angels. They are people who will do searches for you for free (I know, I've been down that road before, but there is no malice in a person who I have never met who just wants to see people together).
So what now? I wait!
SO for the reader, what is the lesson here. Many people run looking for a missing part of their life. You are told things that seem true, and seem to be too good to be true. But once you look deeper, you see the holes in it. If you are reading this and have been looking for something to "complete" your life...and haven't found it yet, Look up!. Look to God. He is the way , the truth , and the light. I'm looking for the truth of my family, I may not rest until I find .. not them.. but the truth. If you are missing something.. don't rest until you find it. go to the right places. To the Bible, to a church, to prayer. Don't just go to a friend who tells you something and just believe it, dig deeper, seek further, and don't rest until you find it. It will be worth it,. I can face this because I know Jeremiah 29:11 which says:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
So I can trust in that truth and it gives me the freedom to know that He is in control and when the time comes.. all will be revealed. and if not.. it's because He has a better plan for me. But the lessons I've learned so for are more valuable then meeting my "family" . I hope these blogs may encourage some of you. That they may make a difference in your walk, life.
I'm not sure if I will continue with this until I have more information... or have learned my lessons. Be blessed!
I need to know the truth.
Looking for the friend who connected us revealed some interesting things (you don't need to know). but made me more suspicious of that night. This was beginning to look like some cruel "prank". I now wonder if I had done something to her in my younger years (I've known her for a good part of my life). If this was my family why haven't they tried to contact me again. Where else should I look?
I was born in New York so I set my sights to Albany. I was ready to hop into the car and drive there and demand my records... yeah I didn't. I (of course) went on line (http://www.health.state.ny.us/vital_records/adoption.htm ) and found the dept of records site and printed out the form. I filled it out and notarized it and sent it to Albany. I now am waiting for "non identifying information". Lilly had said that they had requested my information in Albany but since it's the adoptee that has the rights, they had to wait for me to request my records. If the Clarkes are my family... I should have information by Christmas. Really that long? Well apparently it take 6+ months for a person to walk to the file room and pull out the file on the girl born in Hempstead NY on June 22 1963... really!! Oh patience is such a fun thing.
Is there more I could do???? heck yeah! I contacted a tv program that reunites people. I contacted them twice, the first time when I was just looking for the Clarkes and again just 2 days ago with all my suspicions. I am waiting to hear back. I've also registered with the official adoption reunion organization Soundex, including their facebook page.
I also discovered a thing called search angels. They are people who will do searches for you for free (I know, I've been down that road before, but there is no malice in a person who I have never met who just wants to see people together).
So what now? I wait!
SO for the reader, what is the lesson here. Many people run looking for a missing part of their life. You are told things that seem true, and seem to be too good to be true. But once you look deeper, you see the holes in it. If you are reading this and have been looking for something to "complete" your life...and haven't found it yet, Look up!. Look to God. He is the way , the truth , and the light. I'm looking for the truth of my family, I may not rest until I find .. not them.. but the truth. If you are missing something.. don't rest until you find it. go to the right places. To the Bible, to a church, to prayer. Don't just go to a friend who tells you something and just believe it, dig deeper, seek further, and don't rest until you find it. It will be worth it,. I can face this because I know Jeremiah 29:11 which says:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
So I can trust in that truth and it gives me the freedom to know that He is in control and when the time comes.. all will be revealed. and if not.. it's because He has a better plan for me. But the lessons I've learned so for are more valuable then meeting my "family" . I hope these blogs may encourage some of you. That they may make a difference in your walk, life.
I'm not sure if I will continue with this until I have more information... or have learned my lessons. Be blessed!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
and they meet the next day and lived happily ever after............. NOT
I was so excited and going over and over in my head the events of that night. I tried calling back the restricted number but it wouldn't work. I carried my phone with me all the time waiting to hear back.. surely if it was true what Lilly had said to me they would call and we would set up a heart wrenching, emotional reunion. A perfect love story of a separated mother and daughter... one they write movies about... right?
I contacted the"friend" who had brought us "together" and asked her for the Clarke's contact information. She gave me some excuse about how her husband had her laptop. this is what she told me:
if anyone asks how,just say a friend helped you. i was told by the state of nc to shut down because i wasn't licensed as a pi. isn't that something? i was not surveying, bugging, taping! and i never gave out info without permission. i have so many people that say their lives changed, etc and still send me updates and pics! and it is rewarding. but i don't want to get into trouble!
then
iam on diiff comp. have the file on you (sounds so serious-ha) on my laptop which bill has with him and he is visiting a bff of his who is dying and just got denied for a heart transplant. so he may be back tomorrow or may be monday depending on when he feels he can leave him. he is very lost and needs bill. the friend, mark, has a beautiful bus motor home, much nicer than my house! we live on the water and bill is going to try and talk him into coming here and parking it out back by the dock with the awning/door facing the water so it will be a peaceful place. so hopefully tomorrow. if he calls me tonight i will get him to look for me and get it to you sooner. trying not to call him cause i know it is rough there.
That is the last I heard from her. I tried e-mailing her and then come Monday.... her face book page was gone! I was left with all the "information" and nothing else.
If you know me, you know that I spend a lot of time on the computer and knew my way around a few web pages... so armed with this "information" I began my search. I can tell you all the sites I looked at giving manes and places of this Clarke family,there were many, but none of them came up with any matches. I went as far as calling all the Christian Schools in Dayton Ohio (that were still holding school since summer break had started in most) looking for Joshua Clarke.... again nothing... I checked Dayton Ohio church websites for a youth leader named Joshua Clarke.... nothing. I contacted the Ohio Conference of Churches to see if they could help. I lovely woman even called me back to let me know that she had searched her data bank and made some inquiries. She said she found a unlisted J Clarke... but nothing else.
My search continued to include EVERY church webpage in Lebanon County PA for a church secretary named Patricia who was married to the Pastor.... NOTHING (this also included contacting the Lebanon County conference of Churches too.... they never returned my e-mail). I contacted the local Christian radio station and they let me post the info I had on their webpage... nothing.
You guessed, NO Daniel Clarke on Martha's Vineyard either.
I was exhausted and cried out... this had been probably the MOST difficult year of my life ... filled with 3 losses and much disappointment. As Louie Giglio has put it.... I thought that this was the "bow" the happy ending to a tough period of my life.... no.
There is more searching, but I'll tell you about it later... at this point I want to share with you what God was showing me in all this.
God loves us and desires us to be with Him. The extent I went to to find these people was great... but not nearly the extent God has gone to to "find" me, to be reunited with me, and for me to "see Him". He showed me that to the extent I've gone to look for these people, who at this point do not look like they existed, I must pursue Him. Many people do not believe in the existence of God. If they would make any effort to seek Him ... He can be found. However, finding Him can be easy... it's the getting to know who He is and spending time in His presence which can be hard. Have I exhausted all my resources to get to know God?.... I have not. have you? Am I pursuing Him more?... heck yeah. Without God. Jesus and the Holy Spirit, there were mornings this past year I would not have been able to get out of bed.... mornings I didn't even feel like breathing... it was just too hard. I got advice from my hubby and his brother... and followed it. I pursued God... I read His Word... and meditated on it.. I took my focus off the horrible situations that had surrounded me and focused my attention on Him. I am now functioning again... and healing (this blog is a part of that process).
If you hurt.. pursue God! Use all the resources you have to find Him.
I contacted the"friend" who had brought us "together" and asked her for the Clarke's contact information. She gave me some excuse about how her husband had her laptop. this is what she told me:
if anyone asks how,just say a friend helped you. i was told by the state of nc to shut down because i wasn't licensed as a pi. isn't that something? i was not surveying, bugging, taping! and i never gave out info without permission. i have so many people that say their lives changed, etc and still send me updates and pics! and it is rewarding. but i don't want to get into trouble!
then
iam on diiff comp. have the file on you (sounds so serious-ha) on my laptop which bill has with him and he is visiting a bff of his who is dying and just got denied for a heart transplant. so he may be back tomorrow or may be monday depending on when he feels he can leave him. he is very lost and needs bill. the friend, mark, has a beautiful bus motor home, much nicer than my house! we live on the water and bill is going to try and talk him into coming here and parking it out back by the dock with the awning/door facing the water so it will be a peaceful place. so hopefully tomorrow. if he calls me tonight i will get him to look for me and get it to you sooner. trying not to call him cause i know it is rough there.
That is the last I heard from her. I tried e-mailing her and then come Monday.... her face book page was gone! I was left with all the "information" and nothing else.
If you know me, you know that I spend a lot of time on the computer and knew my way around a few web pages... so armed with this "information" I began my search. I can tell you all the sites I looked at giving manes and places of this Clarke family,there were many, but none of them came up with any matches. I went as far as calling all the Christian Schools in Dayton Ohio (that were still holding school since summer break had started in most) looking for Joshua Clarke.... again nothing... I checked Dayton Ohio church websites for a youth leader named Joshua Clarke.... nothing. I contacted the Ohio Conference of Churches to see if they could help. I lovely woman even called me back to let me know that she had searched her data bank and made some inquiries. She said she found a unlisted J Clarke... but nothing else.
My search continued to include EVERY church webpage in Lebanon County PA for a church secretary named Patricia who was married to the Pastor.... NOTHING (this also included contacting the Lebanon County conference of Churches too.... they never returned my e-mail). I contacted the local Christian radio station and they let me post the info I had on their webpage... nothing.
You guessed, NO Daniel Clarke on Martha's Vineyard either.
I was exhausted and cried out... this had been probably the MOST difficult year of my life ... filled with 3 losses and much disappointment. As Louie Giglio has put it.... I thought that this was the "bow" the happy ending to a tough period of my life.... no.
There is more searching, but I'll tell you about it later... at this point I want to share with you what God was showing me in all this.
God loves us and desires us to be with Him. The extent I went to to find these people was great... but not nearly the extent God has gone to to "find" me, to be reunited with me, and for me to "see Him". He showed me that to the extent I've gone to look for these people, who at this point do not look like they existed, I must pursue Him. Many people do not believe in the existence of God. If they would make any effort to seek Him ... He can be found. However, finding Him can be easy... it's the getting to know who He is and spending time in His presence which can be hard. Have I exhausted all my resources to get to know God?.... I have not. have you? Am I pursuing Him more?... heck yeah. Without God. Jesus and the Holy Spirit, there were mornings this past year I would not have been able to get out of bed.... mornings I didn't even feel like breathing... it was just too hard. I got advice from my hubby and his brother... and followed it. I pursued God... I read His Word... and meditated on it.. I took my focus off the horrible situations that had surrounded me and focused my attention on Him. I am now functioning again... and healing (this blog is a part of that process).
If you hurt.. pursue God! Use all the resources you have to find Him.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Oh what a night
About a year ago I was looking for a job and one of my old friends was talking to me on facebook and offered me a job as her assistant. She worked to reunite people and needed someone to do some of her leg work etc. Well it was just after I had gotten my 5th part time job, so I said that as much as I would love to do it, that there would be too much on my plate. I told her that this was a thing close to my heart, since I was adopted and always wanted to find out my birth story. She told me she understood why I couldn't help her out right now but if I gave her my information that she would look for me for free..... that was Oct. and I really didn't think about it any more.
Then came that night... I had worked late and was really tired. It was the Fri. of Memorial day weekend and I would be working all weekend. I signed onto facebook and had checked all the important information of the day, harvested all my crops, played and feed my pets, and played a round or 2 of cards. My friend popped up on chat and said she had some news, she believed that she had found my birth family and if it was ok could they call me?
WOW WOW WOW..was all I could say.
The cell phone rang and a woman named Lilly Clarke was on the other end. (Normally I wouldn't give out all the information that I am about to.... but if you follow this story you will see why I have). She was crying and hard to understand at first. She told me that she was married to my birth brother Joshua and that he had been looking for me all his life.... the following may seem disjointed and scattered... but it was 12 am and it's been a few months since this call. My feelings and emotions and the things I've discovered since then may also get in the way, so the question is how to relay this call to the reader.... here I go.
Lilly told me that my mother was Patricia and had named me Patricia after herself. That when my mother was 16 she was in love with my father and he had been drafted and was being sent to Vietnam. He was sent to California for boot camp and Patricia followed him there. She became pregnant and both of their families demanded that she return home and place me up for adoption. My "parents" didn't want to, but did any way and had always loved me.... footnote - I can understand why their parents would not want to Patricia to keep me... they had probably been through WWII and the soldiers didn't come home and raising a baby alone would be hard.
Patricia returned home and gave birth to me ... and placed me up for adoption.
Her story continues (according to Lilly), My father returned from "conflict" and they married. They loved each other very much and had 2 more children. Lilly told me that I had a brother named Joshua (her husband) and one named Daniel. As they were growing up, they prayed for for me everyday at dinner and were looking for me since my fathers return from Vietnam. They always loved me and wanted to meet me.
Let me tell you what Lilly said about "my family". Patricia married my father and had lived in New Jersey. My father had died in 1987 from causes I wasn't told. She had remarried and was a church secretary living in Lebanon PA (about 45 minutes from here) married to a pastor. They were Christians and according to Lilly, Patricia was sometimes overboard with her faith.
Joshua was married to Lilly and lived in Dayton Ohio, He's a high school teacher at a christian school and the youth leader at their church. They had children... but I don't remember what she said about them. Joshua had been on mission trips and was a very devoted Christian. Lilly told me that on their first date, Joshua told her that there was one thing in his life that would be more important than the woman he would marry, that would be to find his birth sister Patricia. They had spent thousands of dollars looking and couldn't believe that they had found me...
Daniel was a red head and lived on Marthas Vineyard in Mass.... He was a bit wild and funny and interesting to be around.
This conversation went on for almost 2 hrs. I was told that I was Irish and German. And I waited to talk to another family member. Lilly told me that they were all visiting Patricia for the holiday and wanted to meet me as soon as possible, even if they had to stay there for a month. Lilly and Joshua were staying at an Aunt's house since there wasn't enough room in Patricia's home for the entire family. Joshua had driven over to to tell his mom in person that they had found me. He had wanted to do it in person since she had some health/heart issues. I told them that I would love to meet them I just had to adjust my schedule. She asked me not to break their heart, I told them I would never. She asked if I was mad at them for "giving me up" I told her "by no means". My daughter was up with me for most of the time and when I needed to process some of the information I would hand off the phone to her (hey blabs... if you want to add any information I forgot... please add it in the comment box). I was an very emotional and exciting phone call. Then I noticed that my cell phone was going dead. I tried to tell Lilly that I needed to start charging it and it might go dead, however.. she was talking and may not have heard me. I plugged in my phone just as it went dead. I looked at the number that called and it was "restricted"... I waited a little bit but she didn't seem to call back. It was 2am so I went to bed... but not to sleep and was sooooo excited about what could happen that weekend.
The next morning I looked at the phone... Lilly had tried to call back 2x, but when my phone was still too dead to receive it. Now what?... would she call again? would they think I was upset and didn't want to meet them, that I had all the information I wanted? did she think I hung up?
Was this for real???????????????
Then came that night... I had worked late and was really tired. It was the Fri. of Memorial day weekend and I would be working all weekend. I signed onto facebook and had checked all the important information of the day, harvested all my crops, played and feed my pets, and played a round or 2 of cards. My friend popped up on chat and said she had some news, she believed that she had found my birth family and if it was ok could they call me?
WOW WOW WOW..was all I could say.
The cell phone rang and a woman named Lilly Clarke was on the other end. (Normally I wouldn't give out all the information that I am about to.... but if you follow this story you will see why I have). She was crying and hard to understand at first. She told me that she was married to my birth brother Joshua and that he had been looking for me all his life.... the following may seem disjointed and scattered... but it was 12 am and it's been a few months since this call. My feelings and emotions and the things I've discovered since then may also get in the way, so the question is how to relay this call to the reader.... here I go.
Lilly told me that my mother was Patricia and had named me Patricia after herself. That when my mother was 16 she was in love with my father and he had been drafted and was being sent to Vietnam. He was sent to California for boot camp and Patricia followed him there. She became pregnant and both of their families demanded that she return home and place me up for adoption. My "parents" didn't want to, but did any way and had always loved me.... footnote - I can understand why their parents would not want to Patricia to keep me... they had probably been through WWII and the soldiers didn't come home and raising a baby alone would be hard.
Patricia returned home and gave birth to me ... and placed me up for adoption.
Her story continues (according to Lilly), My father returned from "conflict" and they married. They loved each other very much and had 2 more children. Lilly told me that I had a brother named Joshua (her husband) and one named Daniel. As they were growing up, they prayed for for me everyday at dinner and were looking for me since my fathers return from Vietnam. They always loved me and wanted to meet me.
Let me tell you what Lilly said about "my family". Patricia married my father and had lived in New Jersey. My father had died in 1987 from causes I wasn't told. She had remarried and was a church secretary living in Lebanon PA (about 45 minutes from here) married to a pastor. They were Christians and according to Lilly, Patricia was sometimes overboard with her faith.
Joshua was married to Lilly and lived in Dayton Ohio, He's a high school teacher at a christian school and the youth leader at their church. They had children... but I don't remember what she said about them. Joshua had been on mission trips and was a very devoted Christian. Lilly told me that on their first date, Joshua told her that there was one thing in his life that would be more important than the woman he would marry, that would be to find his birth sister Patricia. They had spent thousands of dollars looking and couldn't believe that they had found me...
Daniel was a red head and lived on Marthas Vineyard in Mass.... He was a bit wild and funny and interesting to be around.
This conversation went on for almost 2 hrs. I was told that I was Irish and German. And I waited to talk to another family member. Lilly told me that they were all visiting Patricia for the holiday and wanted to meet me as soon as possible, even if they had to stay there for a month. Lilly and Joshua were staying at an Aunt's house since there wasn't enough room in Patricia's home for the entire family. Joshua had driven over to to tell his mom in person that they had found me. He had wanted to do it in person since she had some health/heart issues. I told them that I would love to meet them I just had to adjust my schedule. She asked me not to break their heart, I told them I would never. She asked if I was mad at them for "giving me up" I told her "by no means". My daughter was up with me for most of the time and when I needed to process some of the information I would hand off the phone to her (hey blabs... if you want to add any information I forgot... please add it in the comment box). I was an very emotional and exciting phone call. Then I noticed that my cell phone was going dead. I tried to tell Lilly that I needed to start charging it and it might go dead, however.. she was talking and may not have heard me. I plugged in my phone just as it went dead. I looked at the number that called and it was "restricted"... I waited a little bit but she didn't seem to call back. It was 2am so I went to bed... but not to sleep and was sooooo excited about what could happen that weekend.
The next morning I looked at the phone... Lilly had tried to call back 2x, but when my phone was still too dead to receive it. Now what?... would she call again? would they think I was upset and didn't want to meet them, that I had all the information I wanted? did she think I hung up?
Was this for real???????????????
enter the internet
It took a while for our family to get the internet in our home. With the internet came on line registries. One of the first things I did was look for groups and registries for people effected by adoption.
SO I gave out this information:
female
dob 6/22/63
pob Hempstead NY
agency Nassau County Dept of Public Welfare
possible birth name Patricia Robinson
and waited for any connection, and waited and waited.
It appeared no one was looking for me. But the information was on the world wide web. Could someone find me?
My information was out there and I just lived my life. Prayed for my birth family and for the day I could thank her.
The end of the story or the end of the chapter?
SO I gave out this information:
female
dob 6/22/63
pob Hempstead NY
agency Nassau County Dept of Public Welfare
possible birth name Patricia Robinson
and waited for any connection, and waited and waited.
It appeared no one was looking for me. But the information was on the world wide web. Could someone find me?
My information was out there and I just lived my life. Prayed for my birth family and for the day I could thank her.
The end of the story or the end of the chapter?
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Family traits
When I had my children, it had stirred up questions. I would look at them and wonder who else they looked like. My husband comes from a large family and we can see each other in our children. Sure my kids look like their parents... but what about grandparents? Where did they get some of their traits from?
At this point I came to a realization.... who I was and what traits I wanted my kids to have... I was adopted... I was then made "fatherless"..., my adopted family was very disjointed, but, this was not who I am. I AM the daughter of the Most High God, the King of the universe, the Creator of all things, and beautifully and wonderfully made and created in His image... WOW!
Why did I need to know this? Well if you were adopted also, you may understand... or if you've experienced a relative who says you're not "blood"or in insensitive "friend" who says that they have always considered an adoptee as something no one ever wanted - yesterday's trash. Realizing that I had a blood connection with the Savior who shed His blood for my sins, I have a "blood" brother. Realizing that I was wanted by the King of the universe so much that He gave the Prince of Peace, His Son, to save me from my sins, reminded me that I was wanted and very loved and really would God give His Son's life for a piece of yesterday's trash?.. I think not !!!
SO what traits did I want to see in my children?
You guessed it, I want them to look just like their Brother! It has been important for me to live life to honor God... sure I have failed over and over again... but it has been my goal. My husband and I have prayed for and lived for the day that our children honor God in their lives. As we have watched them grow... we have seen them fail (as we have) but we are seeing my Brother in their lives. At 19 and 21, they do things that surprise us and allow us to see God in them.
I'm excited to watch them grow into the man and woman of God He created them to be! I see the traits of their Lord and Savior in them!
.
At this point I came to a realization.... who I was and what traits I wanted my kids to have... I was adopted... I was then made "fatherless"..., my adopted family was very disjointed, but, this was not who I am. I AM the daughter of the Most High God, the King of the universe, the Creator of all things, and beautifully and wonderfully made and created in His image... WOW!
Why did I need to know this? Well if you were adopted also, you may understand... or if you've experienced a relative who says you're not "blood"or in insensitive "friend" who says that they have always considered an adoptee as something no one ever wanted - yesterday's trash. Realizing that I had a blood connection with the Savior who shed His blood for my sins, I have a "blood" brother. Realizing that I was wanted by the King of the universe so much that He gave the Prince of Peace, His Son, to save me from my sins, reminded me that I was wanted and very loved and really would God give His Son's life for a piece of yesterday's trash?.. I think not !!!
SO what traits did I want to see in my children?
You guessed it, I want them to look just like their Brother! It has been important for me to live life to honor God... sure I have failed over and over again... but it has been my goal. My husband and I have prayed for and lived for the day that our children honor God in their lives. As we have watched them grow... we have seen them fail (as we have) but we are seeing my Brother in their lives. At 19 and 21, they do things that surprise us and allow us to see God in them.
I'm excited to watch them grow into the man and woman of God He created them to be! I see the traits of their Lord and Savior in them!
.
the early "search"
Now that she's older Patricia will not be speaking in the third person.
Growing up I always wondered about who had brought me into this world. I was very thankful that in the early 60's Roe v Wade was not the law of the land and that couples who could not give birth had the option of adoption. My birth mother chose life and made my family very happy for doing so. The one thing I want to say to my birth mother is thank you for making that decision, life.
When I turned 18, I figured that I could start my search, but life has a funny way of getting in the way. My mom gave me all my "paper work" - the correspondences between social workers, lawyers and case workers. As I said in my past blog, I always knew that I was adopted and was made to feel that this was a special thing and that I was very much loved. I discovered a reference to Patricia Robinson in a RE: on one of the documents and believe that to be my birth name. In similar documents of my brother's, that place is blacked out - which seemed to confirm Robinson as my birth name.
So in the pre-internet day, how does one search? (especially when only 18+ and no money or idea of where to start).While I was in High School, every June 22 and every Halloween I would search the classified in Newsday, never thinking that my birth family may not live on Long Island. I would watch reunion shows on tv and write down registries but never registered. So really, I was hoping they would find me. Maybe it was a little fear of rejection or fear of what I may find out... but still I was curious and wanted to know who I was.
Growing up I always wondered about who had brought me into this world. I was very thankful that in the early 60's Roe v Wade was not the law of the land and that couples who could not give birth had the option of adoption. My birth mother chose life and made my family very happy for doing so. The one thing I want to say to my birth mother is thank you for making that decision, life.
When I turned 18, I figured that I could start my search, but life has a funny way of getting in the way. My mom gave me all my "paper work" - the correspondences between social workers, lawyers and case workers. As I said in my past blog, I always knew that I was adopted and was made to feel that this was a special thing and that I was very much loved. I discovered a reference to Patricia Robinson in a RE: on one of the documents and believe that to be my birth name. In similar documents of my brother's, that place is blacked out - which seemed to confirm Robinson as my birth name.
So in the pre-internet day, how does one search? (especially when only 18+ and no money or idea of where to start).While I was in High School, every June 22 and every Halloween I would search the classified in Newsday, never thinking that my birth family may not live on Long Island. I would watch reunion shows on tv and write down registries but never registered. So really, I was hoping they would find me. Maybe it was a little fear of rejection or fear of what I may find out... but still I was curious and wanted to know who I was.
Monday, August 30, 2010
the beginning
A long time ago, in a mystical island called Long, a baby girl was born. She was small and cute and needed a home. For reasons that we are presently not sure of, her mom and dad could not raise her. There was a family in the small town that wanted a little girl of their own so they went to a lawyer and began to look for a little girl. This family had a 4 year old boy and a lot of room in their hearts.
One day the family was notified and told that there was the perfect little girl for them. The grandmother had just died and the mom and dad believed that the grandmother had sent an angel to their home. One Halloween the mom, dad and brother went to pick up this little baby and bring her home. The brother chose not to trick or treat that night, but instead ran up and down the street telling all that he got a new baby sister. The dad took one look at the baby and named her Patricia, the social worker giggled and said that that was already her name, and that she must really be a Patricia.
Patricia grew and was loved. She was often told that she was loved and chosen. Many times her parents read a book called The Chosen Baby, a book that mirrored this family's own experience. Patricia never felt unwanted, unloved, or not apart of the family. However she often wondered who her birth parents were and why they had to give her up.
This family was not complete and 2 years later brought a little rambunctious, curly haired boy into the family. A happy little family!? Well, they were, but with troubles and heartache. The new boy struggled in many areas and hard decisions had to be made. (but that's his story not Patricia's) and the family was separated and somewhat disconnected.
While the children were still young the mom and dad found out that dad had cancer. The dad fought it for many years and didn't want to leave his family, but when Patricia was 14 he passed away, leaving a hole in her heart.
At the same time, Patricia had learned about the love of Jesus and He became her Savior. The pain she felt was great with the loss of her dad and she did not know how to lean on Jesus, so she struggled for many years with drinking and eating. But she began to pray for her birth family and to ask Jesus to meet them.
After a long struggle, Patricia learned about the Lordship of Jesus, and gave over her drinking problem and committed herself to serve and live for Jesus.
But there was still something missing. Who was she? What was her background? and of course.... Why?
This Patricia (me) would like to know.
One day the family was notified and told that there was the perfect little girl for them. The grandmother had just died and the mom and dad believed that the grandmother had sent an angel to their home. One Halloween the mom, dad and brother went to pick up this little baby and bring her home. The brother chose not to trick or treat that night, but instead ran up and down the street telling all that he got a new baby sister. The dad took one look at the baby and named her Patricia, the social worker giggled and said that that was already her name, and that she must really be a Patricia.
Patricia grew and was loved. She was often told that she was loved and chosen. Many times her parents read a book called The Chosen Baby, a book that mirrored this family's own experience. Patricia never felt unwanted, unloved, or not apart of the family. However she often wondered who her birth parents were and why they had to give her up.
This family was not complete and 2 years later brought a little rambunctious, curly haired boy into the family. A happy little family!? Well, they were, but with troubles and heartache. The new boy struggled in many areas and hard decisions had to be made. (but that's his story not Patricia's) and the family was separated and somewhat disconnected.
While the children were still young the mom and dad found out that dad had cancer. The dad fought it for many years and didn't want to leave his family, but when Patricia was 14 he passed away, leaving a hole in her heart.
At the same time, Patricia had learned about the love of Jesus and He became her Savior. The pain she felt was great with the loss of her dad and she did not know how to lean on Jesus, so she struggled for many years with drinking and eating. But she began to pray for her birth family and to ask Jesus to meet them.
After a long struggle, Patricia learned about the Lordship of Jesus, and gave over her drinking problem and committed herself to serve and live for Jesus.
But there was still something missing. Who was she? What was her background? and of course.... Why?
This Patricia (me) would like to know.
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