For those who know me, you know how deeply I love the people in my life. It has been said that nothing can separate you from the love of God and Miss Pattie. SO if I love you, you got it forever. I also have heaps and heaps of love to share with those in my life (and yes I know it sometimes comes in many ways including a "butt kicking" or sarcasm and ginormous hugs). With Valentine's Day a few days away, I thought it would be a good time to describe God's kind of love that I've been living lately.
I know that I have a birth family out there and I know where they live (not to sound stalking or anything). Sometimes when I'm alone and quiet I run through my head different scenarios of how a reunion may take place, what I might say, act, behave, etc.. I also would click on certain fb pages to see what they were doing. Recently I discovered that this was not really healthy for me and would sometimes make me lose sleep and kind of just bring me to that dark place of questions and rejection.
I needed to do something new.
God directed me to change my behavior. When the ideas to "dream" and the urges to "click"would come I needed to do something else. I started to pray. To pray for them to know God's goodness, to pray for blessings, to pray for protection, to pray for health, to pray for them to sense God in their life, to know that God love's them.
As I started doing this, I felt peace and my love for them grew. As I did this, God started reveal something about Him to me. These women have never met me. Two of them don't even know that I exist.... (see where I'm going yet) I have a &^$%#$@ load of love to give to these women but they don't know I'm here.
God loves you, He wants to have a relationship with you. He wants good things in your life. He has so much love to give you. You may not know him.
God is showing me how He loves. And how to love more like Him.
Will this lead to reunion??? Who knows??? I don't need to know. I want so very much for them to find me, meet me, know me. That may never happen but that isn't changing the love that is in my heart for them. Just like our Father's love.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Friday, February 12, 2016
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Guidelines for the search -
I was chatting with a new searcher the other day and going over where to get information for her search and then started to share with her things that could happen and what she might expect. I thought to myself... hey self... I've seen a ton of the how to and where to go but not a lot of what can happen along the way... why don't you post some direction and insight... so here goes!!
1. Remember that you are not alone...
2. You will feel alone.
3. Things can happen quickly
4. Things can take forever
5. Friends can be very supportive
6. Friends can be very discouraging
7. This journey can be ALL consuming
8. You have a life to be lived today in the present.
9. You may have a wonderful reunion
10. You may never find the one you are looking for.... and it has to be okay
11. The end may not be the end.... just a pause for God to do something else
12. We (adoptees) have rights that have been denied to us... the right to know our origins...you can fight for this right but not everyone has to be an advocate.... some of us just support the cause.
13. The adoption process is and has been corrupt. This won't change over night... you do not have to live as a victim of this broken system. There are MANY children who's lives have been saved through adoption... There ARE good adoption stories... Happy families... Loving homes.
14. EVERY family is different adopted and natural (hate that term)
15. Only God will open doors and close them too.
16. God's plan in perfect... humans can mess it up.
17. We all look for familiar faces - natural families don't always look alike
18. To be respected you should be respectful. Honor your parents. (both sets) God has a promise that goes with that one.
19. In your search you may find friends in high places... protect them so others will still have have resource
20.Thank those who help you - many have already been through the pain of their search and may still need encouragement once in a while
21. Help those in their journey- guide, encourage, listen, listen, listen, advise but be careful.. your journey might be different
22. Cry with those who cry, rejoice with those who rejoice.
23. Don't get bitter at those who have happy endings when yours isn't working out well.
24. When you are rejoicing.. be mindful of those who can't yet.
That's all I have right now.... comment below if you think I've missed something... I probably have.
1. Remember that you are not alone...
2. You will feel alone.
3. Things can happen quickly
4. Things can take forever
5. Friends can be very supportive
6. Friends can be very discouraging
7. This journey can be ALL consuming
8. You have a life to be lived today in the present.
9. You may have a wonderful reunion
10. You may never find the one you are looking for.... and it has to be okay
11. The end may not be the end.... just a pause for God to do something else
12. We (adoptees) have rights that have been denied to us... the right to know our origins...you can fight for this right but not everyone has to be an advocate.... some of us just support the cause.
13. The adoption process is and has been corrupt. This won't change over night... you do not have to live as a victim of this broken system. There are MANY children who's lives have been saved through adoption... There ARE good adoption stories... Happy families... Loving homes.
14. EVERY family is different adopted and natural (hate that term)
15. Only God will open doors and close them too.
16. God's plan in perfect... humans can mess it up.
17. We all look for familiar faces - natural families don't always look alike
18. To be respected you should be respectful. Honor your parents. (both sets) God has a promise that goes with that one.
19. In your search you may find friends in high places... protect them so others will still have have resource
20.Thank those who help you - many have already been through the pain of their search and may still need encouragement once in a while
21. Help those in their journey- guide, encourage, listen, listen, listen, advise but be careful.. your journey might be different
22. Cry with those who cry, rejoice with those who rejoice.
23. Don't get bitter at those who have happy endings when yours isn't working out well.
24. When you are rejoicing.. be mindful of those who can't yet.
That's all I have right now.... comment below if you think I've missed something... I probably have.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Birthdays for an adoptee
So this past Monday was my birthday. It was a hard one.
I recently looked through my tophop (the app that let's you see what you posted in social media on that date in years past) and noticed how much attention I was bringing to my up coming birthdays. It was almost obnoxious. I wondered why I did that and realized that as an adoptee I think I was looking for validation of my birth. That my birth was important and existed. It was more than an altered birth certificate that is dated almost a year and a half after my birth. You see no one I know was present at my birth. Except of course Jesus.....
This year I didn't want any attention brought to this day.
Now both the parents who raised me are gone and I kind of feel orphaned again. On my birthday I walked past a shelf in the kitchen and noticed the musical turning birthday plate that my mom had placed many a cake on. Even as an adult, she would bring over a cake she had made for my birthday. That will never happen again. I cried.
But I think the hardest part of this years birthday was the fact that only a few weeks ago I sat a few yards from the woman who gave me life and she did not want to meet me. I wondered on this birthday if she remembered what day it was. I wondered if the person who I wanted to acknowledge my birthday had in her own way. I wanted to hear "Happy Birthday" come out of her mouth. While I had sat in the car, waiting on that May morning, I could see the outline of a head looking out of her window at me. I couldn't see her face because it was too dark, but I could see a head. She could see me, she now has a flesh and bone image of what she had given up. Did I matter to her?
Before all you not adopted people chime in.... these are normal questions for the adopted person, I know, I have meet many in person and on social media with these same questions... I am not crazy or alone in how I am thinking... and getting through this is and will be a long healing process.
I am healing. I am getting stronger. I am going longer without outbursts of tears. BUT... I am still hurting, crying, struggling and wondering.
I am seeking God on what is next for me (and my husband). We have been in transition for a number of years, empty nest and open to doing something or going somewhere new. There have been road blocks when ever we have tried to move forward. I believe that my journey of reunion is NOT over yet but continue to seek God in what He would have me do next. As I wait, I wonder if moving forward won't happen until some form of reunion happens.
There are important people in my life who believe with me that this is not over, that this will take time, and that she will come around. My question is what to do next and when to do it. I have thought about writing her another note, something that would include how much it would mean to me to just see her and touch her (again.... you see I lived inside her for 9 months and saw her at birth... so yes, again) and to give her my contact information again. I also know I have 2 half sisters, who probably have no idea that I exist. At this time, to honor my birth mother, I will not contact them (just stalk them on fb ;) ) That is the choice that God and I (and my hubby) have made at this time. This does not mean I won't ever try... it just means not now.
The Bible says in Exodus 20:12-
I recently looked through my tophop (the app that let's you see what you posted in social media on that date in years past) and noticed how much attention I was bringing to my up coming birthdays. It was almost obnoxious. I wondered why I did that and realized that as an adoptee I think I was looking for validation of my birth. That my birth was important and existed. It was more than an altered birth certificate that is dated almost a year and a half after my birth. You see no one I know was present at my birth. Except of course Jesus.....
This year I didn't want any attention brought to this day.
Now both the parents who raised me are gone and I kind of feel orphaned again. On my birthday I walked past a shelf in the kitchen and noticed the musical turning birthday plate that my mom had placed many a cake on. Even as an adult, she would bring over a cake she had made for my birthday. That will never happen again. I cried.
But I think the hardest part of this years birthday was the fact that only a few weeks ago I sat a few yards from the woman who gave me life and she did not want to meet me. I wondered on this birthday if she remembered what day it was. I wondered if the person who I wanted to acknowledge my birthday had in her own way. I wanted to hear "Happy Birthday" come out of her mouth. While I had sat in the car, waiting on that May morning, I could see the outline of a head looking out of her window at me. I couldn't see her face because it was too dark, but I could see a head. She could see me, she now has a flesh and bone image of what she had given up. Did I matter to her?
Before all you not adopted people chime in.... these are normal questions for the adopted person, I know, I have meet many in person and on social media with these same questions... I am not crazy or alone in how I am thinking... and getting through this is and will be a long healing process.
I am healing. I am getting stronger. I am going longer without outbursts of tears. BUT... I am still hurting, crying, struggling and wondering.
I am seeking God on what is next for me (and my husband). We have been in transition for a number of years, empty nest and open to doing something or going somewhere new. There have been road blocks when ever we have tried to move forward. I believe that my journey of reunion is NOT over yet but continue to seek God in what He would have me do next. As I wait, I wonder if moving forward won't happen until some form of reunion happens.
There are important people in my life who believe with me that this is not over, that this will take time, and that she will come around. My question is what to do next and when to do it. I have thought about writing her another note, something that would include how much it would mean to me to just see her and touch her (again.... you see I lived inside her for 9 months and saw her at birth... so yes, again) and to give her my contact information again. I also know I have 2 half sisters, who probably have no idea that I exist. At this time, to honor my birth mother, I will not contact them (just stalk them on fb ;) ) That is the choice that God and I (and my hubby) have made at this time. This does not mean I won't ever try... it just means not now.
The Bible says in Exodus 20:12-
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.
This is what I'm trying to do in my journey, I want to honor her and not destroy her. I also want to honor the parents who raised me and not act unkind or malicious. And I want to honor my God and represent Him in my actions towards her. Can you all understand this? I want to be and example of Jesus' love for her, in that although she has rejected me, turned her back on me, turned me away, tried to deny my existence,
I WILL NOT STOP LOVING HER AND PURSUING HER
He never stopped pursuing me..... or you
He never stopped loving me ..... or you
and he never will.
I am truly thankful for that.... and so should you
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