I was so excited and going over and over in my head the events of that night. I tried calling back the restricted number but it wouldn't work. I carried my phone with me all the time waiting to hear back.. surely if it was true what Lilly had said to me they would call and we would set up a heart wrenching, emotional reunion. A perfect love story of a separated mother and daughter... one they write movies about... right?
I contacted the"friend" who had brought us "together" and asked her for the Clarke's contact information. She gave me some excuse about how her husband had her laptop. this is what she told me:
if anyone asks how,just say a friend helped you. i was told by the state of nc to shut down because i wasn't licensed as a pi. isn't that something? i was not surveying, bugging, taping! and i never gave out info without permission. i have so many people that say their lives changed, etc and still send me updates and pics! and it is rewarding. but i don't want to get into trouble!
then
iam on diiff comp. have the file on you (sounds so serious-ha) on my laptop which bill has with him and he is visiting a bff of his who is dying and just got denied for a heart transplant. so he may be back tomorrow or may be monday depending on when he feels he can leave him. he is very lost and needs bill. the friend, mark, has a beautiful bus motor home, much nicer than my house! we live on the water and bill is going to try and talk him into coming here and parking it out back by the dock with the awning/door facing the water so it will be a peaceful place. so hopefully tomorrow. if he calls me tonight i will get him to look for me and get it to you sooner. trying not to call him cause i know it is rough there.
That is the last I heard from her. I tried e-mailing her and then come Monday.... her face book page was gone! I was left with all the "information" and nothing else.
If you know me, you know that I spend a lot of time on the computer and knew my way around a few web pages... so armed with this "information" I began my search. I can tell you all the sites I looked at giving manes and places of this Clarke family,there were many, but none of them came up with any matches. I went as far as calling all the Christian Schools in Dayton Ohio (that were still holding school since summer break had started in most) looking for Joshua Clarke.... again nothing... I checked Dayton Ohio church websites for a youth leader named Joshua Clarke.... nothing. I contacted the Ohio Conference of Churches to see if they could help. I lovely woman even called me back to let me know that she had searched her data bank and made some inquiries. She said she found a unlisted J Clarke... but nothing else.
My search continued to include EVERY church webpage in Lebanon County PA for a church secretary named Patricia who was married to the Pastor.... NOTHING (this also included contacting the Lebanon County conference of Churches too.... they never returned my e-mail). I contacted the local Christian radio station and they let me post the info I had on their webpage... nothing.
You guessed, NO Daniel Clarke on Martha's Vineyard either.
I was exhausted and cried out... this had been probably the MOST difficult year of my life ... filled with 3 losses and much disappointment. As Louie Giglio has put it.... I thought that this was the "bow" the happy ending to a tough period of my life.... no.
There is more searching, but I'll tell you about it later... at this point I want to share with you what God was showing me in all this.
God loves us and desires us to be with Him. The extent I went to to find these people was great... but not nearly the extent God has gone to to "find" me, to be reunited with me, and for me to "see Him". He showed me that to the extent I've gone to look for these people, who at this point do not look like they existed, I must pursue Him. Many people do not believe in the existence of God. If they would make any effort to seek Him ... He can be found. However, finding Him can be easy... it's the getting to know who He is and spending time in His presence which can be hard. Have I exhausted all my resources to get to know God?.... I have not. have you? Am I pursuing Him more?... heck yeah. Without God. Jesus and the Holy Spirit, there were mornings this past year I would not have been able to get out of bed.... mornings I didn't even feel like breathing... it was just too hard. I got advice from my hubby and his brother... and followed it. I pursued God... I read His Word... and meditated on it.. I took my focus off the horrible situations that had surrounded me and focused my attention on Him. I am now functioning again... and healing (this blog is a part of that process).
If you hurt.. pursue God! Use all the resources you have to find Him.
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